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By Mark Leyner

A neighborhood theater's construction of unique Yearnings triggers a string of underground nuclear explosions from St. Louis to Worcester, Massachusetts. a guy frantically swats on the blaze that his female friend has ignited in his trousers, whereas her relatives attempts to determine no matter if his agonized signal language ability "Under the Volcano" or "No Time for Sergeants." Charo, Marianne Faithfull, and Napoleon's sister change glittering witticisms and pornographic come-ons with languid aesthetes and unhinged suburbanites.

Such eventualities are only par for the path during this gloriously disorienting quantity through Mark Leyner, writer of My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist and Et Tu, Babe, and a author who performs the English language the way in which Jimi Hendrix performed the guitar: at blinding pace, harmful quantity, and with an ideal mix of lyricism and sheer risk.

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I, in fact, am mendacity on my facet and masturbating right into a bedpan that I’ve banged right into a likeness of deep cleavage. If the costa rican nurse touches my nipple, I inform her that the nipple is the lounge of a run-down two-family condominium by way of the ocean. If she places her eiderdown electron-image tubes to either my nipples and provided that she indicates me her glossy gold molars and sings Tengo Cabanga Por Mi Patria, I inform her that escaped convicts from the woman’s condo of detention are within the lounge, pulling taffy and looking at a tv express with the pontificate, and if she brings me seconds for lunch whilst poultry fried steak is served, I fake that they're snorting thick strains of crystal pace, and that i promise her jewellery. If she attracts an image of what she thinks the raft woman’s ass might appear like projected on a drive-in motion picture monitor with no lifting her pencil from the paper, I open the lounge door and mr. and mrs. hogan, a pair from philadelphia, input and that i pull her costume up over my head and we hypnotize one another and faux that we have got no keep watch over over what we are saying or do. whether it is overdue at evening, we faux that we've got misplaced the fitting to vote and that we've got been sterilized via missionaries. We faux that we have got reduce the moorings and permit the raft flow away, that we're exiled on an island for savage morons. the girl who I’m sending is aware all approximately you. we've got spent many nights reminiscing approximately you and giggling approximately your ingenuous kindnesses and social clumsiness. She is inspired by means of your poems and surmises that, as a toddler, you need to were strength fed like farm fowl. after all she is drifting very peaceably now correct in the direction of you. It’s a very good sunny day. She and the raft glance extraordinary, rocking within the tide. She is doing her impersonation of an vehicle showroom. you'll take pleasure in it a great deal. She, after all, is mendacity on her again and the sunlight is glistening opposed to all her vehicles, her sedans, her squared-off economic climate versions, her purple convertibles. If she attracts a skinny piece of kelp around the internal a part of her thigh, like a bow throughout a violin string, you could pay attention your whole favourite blood brother holly songs. I, after all, am on my knees, peering via an old vasco da gama spyglass, gazing her revolve in short-term eddies. I too am having fun with her uncanny impersonation of an car showroom. If the nurse brings me a fats smelly smelling costa rican cigar, I faux that i'm a newspaper boy in a classic 1930’s kind newspaper boy’s cap. If she takes to the air her starched white nurse’s cap, unfastens her bobby pins and shall we her sumptuous black tresses fall into my eyes, I input the car showroom and yell, additional! additional! yeshiva boy slays showgirl whale swallows mob kingpin bald medication referred to as hoax mets break up! She in flip impersonates mrs. hogan. i feel we'd like fifteen vehicles! she says, glance how briskly my husband is! Mr. hogan runs from vehicle to vehicle spinning the plates he’s balanced on every one antenna. after all she’s drifting in the direction of you currently! She is coming to you of her personal volition.

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